February 2012
39 posts
So I just saw something about “traditional” roles in a relationship & how men are the leaders & providers & shit & it reminded me of when he brought me bags on 14. I was trying to take the box from him & he just smiled & goes on about me trying to be all self-sufficient. He was just so eager to stay & do everything for me.
Im definitely a self-sufficient...
I ate & now I feel kinda bad.
I hope I can just start working out more that my afternoons are open. I want to be skinny so bad. I want the trim legs. I want to be so little that he just picks me up off the ground, that we can hang around on the beach with little clothes on look hot, I want girls to look at me & wish they had my body.
So this blog is reserved for posts that I deem unacceptable for my main blog. That includes my eating problems & guy problems, but is not limited to.
Guy Problems.
Sarah convinced me to add him on FB. He accepted a mear 4 hours later. I of course creeped his profile. Hes just really cute.
I work every single day this next week so if hes there, so will I.
Next time I see him, I hope Im...
Im always super self conscious about saying I want to slim down - Cause if people dont already percieve me as a fat glob, they do now.
I told Emory that a few months ago, I was sitting around saying how I wanted a job & money & now Ive got both. Id love in a few months to go “Remember how I was sitting around saying how I wanted to be skinny & cute & now I am?” [Cause...
Kelly Clarkson is his jam.
lol.
.25 of a personal pizza
whopper
7 grasshopper cookies
Not too bad for getting back into routine.
Yesterday someone asked me how much weight I lost. I said I didnt think I lost any & they proceeded to tell me how I look like a slimmed down a lot which motivates me to keep at what Im doing.
Then later Reagan & I were talking about how we wanted to be more trim before summer & idk. I just really want this, more than anything. I will be slimmer. I will wear a cute swimsuit this...
"Look at me"
And so now, in the middle of an order Im staring at him, making eye contact & after a second I go “Now what?” & hes like “Tell me what time it is, without looking at the monitor” & Im like “I just looked at the time, so I bet its 620” looks at clock “Yeah its 620” “Yeah, but you knew the time because I told it to you with my...
I daydream these cute scenarios. Hoping that well exchange numbers & well be as cute in text as we are in person. Hoping that maybe well be more than co-workers over the summer & spend time in each others company. I hope that I can muster the courage to say something to you. If we havent gone anywhere before summer then I will definitely ask, because hopefully I’ll be much thinner...
Every time I tell myself I shoulda applied for ASM I remember if I did & got it I couldn’t date him (if by some chance that situation arose)
Idk. He brightened my day though.
So cute & chatty & all the laughs.
When will I learn that I feel better when I dont eat. I eat & feel like shit. I dont eat & Im light & happy & feel more confident.
Sometimes, when I walk over to help him finish bagging an order, idk why this makes me laugh, he like sarcastically dares me to bag things. [FYI, I cant not complete a dare, I just cant not.] & these are stupid dares, but theyre cute & he always acts like hes proud he got me to do something.
I hate that he wanders into my thoughts when I’m in school. I like him a lot but I feel like a pathetic school girl thinking about him all the time. Hoping I cross his mind maybe once per hundred thoughts I have about him.
I even make up stupid situations in my head & daydream cute things that could happen.
2 tags
I dont have a list of things I would want in a guy or need in a relationship, but as I get to know him, there are things I think that would be super cute if we were a couple.
Fact: Im gonna be skinny.
Fact: Im gonna be super cute.
Fact: This summer will be the best summer ever.
Fact: I will do anything to make sure all of the above are true.
I hope to fall back into the habbit of not eating [Im eating less & less everyday trying to go back to that] & if I can find a way to exercise my thighs, then I think by summer I’ll have a better looking body. Its just the thighs & abdomen that really bother me, the arms are just a bonus.
3 tags
Larry is hanging around 14 while Cute Guy & I are on break hanging with Liza. & Hes kinda bothering us & being loud & carrying on.
Me: Larry, I used to think that ADD/ADHD was something that parents & doctors made up to drug their children, until I met you & now I fully believe there is such a thing.
Cute Guy: *bursts into laughter* OMG, that is so mean *laughs more*
Larry: *stares at me blankly* I have ADHD... I just dont take my medicine.
I cant even think bad thoughts when hes around or when hes on my mind.
Thats how good he makes me feel.
As much as I think it would be cool to have something more with him, I love what we have now. Im afraid of changing it. I dont want to take away this feeling.
Random things that will make me think of him:
Rainy days
Taylor Swift songs
Rotisserie chicken
Wine carriers
Blackberries
Voodoo dolls
I feel like a failure when I eat.
To the point I’d rather cut
“I was doing well then I came over here & ate rice & drank Pepsi”
I might just suck it up & go to the gym with Sam.
Note to self, dont cave. You will feel worse.
I hope I come across your mind half as much as you are on mine.
I want to remember how bad I feel after I ate. I promise to work all of this off & more tomorrow & eat way less. Exception is the aftershow taco bell [which will only be fresco]
I must be skinny. Im not going to give up this time.
You throw me for a fucking loop. One minute youre acting like a prick and the next youre all starting the conversation with me & trying to keep it going despite my short answers.
I dont know why I try - feelings suck & I know that Im gonna be disappointed. Im mad that I even let these feelings develop.
Here is a plan, a promise of sorts for myself.
A list of goals?
I want to lose atleast 25lbs-50lbs & get my car before summer starts - When I accomplish both of these things, I want to cut off a decent amount of my hair [to a medium length - maybe just do 12” for locks of love] & splurge saved money on pretty new clothes.
Goals that I intend to achieve.
Hes standing on my right side, looking down & smiling, I always note his smiles, and I just loved how his name tag pulls his collar away from his chest & his tattoo peeks through. Its really sexy.
Im slowly, losing weight - Im 5lbs lighter than like 2 weeks ago. My stomach is a little flatter, my sides are tighter & even my hands seem smaller. This is motivation to stick through. I know I could wear a skimpy swim suit this summer if I could just fix my legs
I took about 3 days off & Im back today. If I actually kept at it, I know I could look exceptional in a skimpy swim suit. If I only found a way to slim my thighs.
2 tags
He was standing there talking to me & I was saying how I loved how slow it was, we had no customers & he goes “You better knock on wood” & I just laughed & said “It doesnt matter to me, Im going home in like 2 minutes” & he goes “Yeah, but I’ll still be here & it will get real busy & that would suck” Then he walked to the front...
Where I feel we stand
We joke around a lot & I interpret some of the things he does [& suggestive things he says] as flirtatious.
He makes a point to be in my presence.
Hes opened up a little to me - showing a little bit of vulnerability - which made him 10x’s as sexy.
Weve reached the point where you can invade the other person’s personal space [my favorite example is when...
So ya know when you have a day you feel really thin? Everytime I looked in the mirror I felt thin, people gave me compliments about me looking thin & it just boosted my self confidence - I get home & look at a picture that Lisa took of me today & ugh, I look like a fat blob.
It makes me want to throw up my dinner.
My dreams consisted of 2 awesome things
Cute guy being cute
Paramore
Both are awesome - Both made me wake up smiling
In my dream - I was on the phone & he was like lying on the couch playing with my hair & distracting me & part of me is kinda embarassed to like a guy so much that Im having dreams mabout him, but at the same time - it was so cute & I think if I could just muster...
When I got up to get him the napkins to sop up the water….. he made this “aww” that just melted me.
He was really sweet & cute & ugh. I hope he keeps his Wednesday shift (:
This is the first day in a few weeks Ive felt...
I wish I could bring myself to throw up.
His shirt was pulled down & you could see his...
Geez.
It was kinda really hot.
I hate liking him so much. Its hard to see him & not just smile.
1 tag
I was just drumming/tapping/beating my register & he starts to match me & I look at him & he smiles & goes “I just made that up” “Oh did you?” “Yeah, you can buy it on iTunes” *laughs* at the same time we both joked how it was one of the $1.99 songs - cause thats how popular & awesome it is.
That sparked an interesting conversation about...